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by Melime



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s03e10-e11 The Return, Established Relationship, F/F, SGA Reverse Big Bang Challenge 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 07:43:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10680816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: Kate woke up startled, her heart racing, her breathing shallow, and for a moment, it was all a nightmare. In those precious few seconds between dream and reality, before she could situate herself, she was still in her room in Atlantis, but then Teyla didn’t wake up at her side, running a hand softly on her back and assuring her that everything was fine. Because it wasn’t just a bad dream, and she wasn’t in Atlantis, probably never would be again, and Teyla was still in Pegasus galaxy, and they would probably never see each other again, and nothing was fine, and things would probably never be fine again.





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**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Lar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10680822) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)
  * Inspired by [The Return](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10676067) by [FalconHorus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FalconHorus/pseuds/FalconHorus). 



> Written for the SGA Reverse Bang, inspired by FalconHorus' art. The diary entry (italics) was taken from the art.
> 
> Thank you to my beta [Alfer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Alfer/pseuds/Alfer)!

Kate woke up startled, her heart racing, her breathing shallow, and for a moment, it was all a nightmare. In those precious few seconds between dream and reality, before she could situate herself, she was still in her room in Atlantis, but then Teyla didn’t wake up at her side, running a hand softly on her back and assuring her that everything was fine. Because it wasn’t just a bad dream, and she wasn’t in Atlantis, probably never would be again, and Teyla was still in Pegasus galaxy, and they would probably never see each other again, and nothing was fine, and things would probably never be fine again.

Nightmares and trouble sleeping weren’t news, nor were they exclusive to their return to Earth, however, she couldn’t deny that things were worse since they were so abruptly forced out of their home. If before she would have a few odd bad nights, mostly brought by the stress of her work, now it seemed like all she had were bad nights. And now she didn’t have Teyla to comfort her.

There was no other way things could have ended, as much as they tried to find one. Kate couldn’t abandon everything she knew to live with the Athosians, although Teyla had invited her, it was too big of a decision to take so fast, and she wasn’t ready for this, nor did she know if she would have ever been. And Teyla couldn’t leave her people, her galaxy behind while the Wraith were still a threat, she could learn to live in a world so unlike everything she knew, but she couldn’t in good conscience accept to be safely away while people suffered. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t what either of them wanted, but it was the only way they could have acted.

Kate sighed and left the bed. There was no point in trying to go back to sleep now, so she might as well go about her day.

\---

Dying her hair was an impulse. She was walking back home when she passed by a hair salon, and without much thought, she went in and asked to be completely changed. How, it didn’t matter to her, but she needed to change, she needed her outside to match how deeply different she felt on the inside. Afterwards, she almost regretted it, because now all she could think about was what Teyla would think of her new look, and she would never know the answer.

\---

Another night she couldn’t sleep, at this point she would be surprised if she could have a full night of rest. It was wrong, everything about the whole situation was wrong and she shouldn’t be there. She belonged in Atlantis, they all did, after this long, it was their home more than Earth had ever been, could ever be again. Home...

Kate sat on the bed and took out her diary from the nightstand. It was supposed to help, writing out her thoughts and worries, but she wasn’t sure about how effective that was. Still, it was better than laying in bed looking at the ceiling and wishing to see the distinct Lantean architecture.

She allowed her thoughts to flow from pen to paper without thinking about her words.

_Earth. Home._

_It doesn’t feel like home._

_I can’t sleep. I miss the sound of the ocean beneath my window. The sound of your voice as you sang me to sleep._

_Elizabeth was so sure they were going to let us stay and learn from them. Instead they kicked us out. How dare they?_

_We looked after their city… those ungrateful…_

She stopped. What even was the point of this? They would never be allowed back, and she would never see Teyla again. Perhaps coming to Earth had been a mistake, and yet, as terrible as she felt, she couldn’t imagine living on Pegasus and never being in contact with anyone from Earth again.

\---

Perhaps she was just lonely, or so she hoped. She hadn’t been in much contact with the others, and they were the only ones who could understand, although of course none of them had left half their heart behind on Pegasus. Finally, she decided to call Elizabeth, meet her up for tea and a conversation, perhaps that would help, they could bond over their shared frustrations.

\---

It was nice, being able to talk about what happened with someone who understood, someone who knew how much Teyla meant to her, but it wasn’t a solution. Elizabeth was as frustrated with the situation as Kate was, even if she refused to admit it, even making her admit disappointment had been hard enough. Elizabeth was never one to talk about her feelings. Kate couldn’t blame her, even if they were back on Earth, Elizabeth still couldn’t let go of the burdens of command. Kate could tell that she was still trying to think of a way to bring them back home. She could only hope Elizabeth succeeded.

\---

When she received the phone call, she said yes before anything was even explained to her. All she had to hear was that Atlantis was theirs again, it was all that mattered. It was their home, and she could go back, and Teyla would be there. She could barely force herself to pay attention to the instructions she was given, all she could think about was coming back home.

She had her bags ready in under an hour. There wasn’t anything else that she had much need of, not really, she had already learnt to live without having much. And at any rate, all she could think about was seeing Teyla again.

\---

Teyla found her first, among the sea of people just returned home, but Teyla could always find her. She ran to Kate, and hugged her so tight Kate could feel the tips of her toes leaving the floor for a moment as Teyla swung her in her arms. They didn’t talk, not then, not there. There would be a time for words when they were alone. For now, they needed to process the free flow of feelings that could only manifest in tears of happiness and by holding on to each other with all their might. Whatever else happened, they were together again, and everything would be fine.


End file.
